Birth Story
Wally was born at 1:15 am on tax day during the peak of the "Blood Moon" eclipse. His birth was amazing, and pretty quick, actually.
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| The total lunar eclipse on 4-15, Space.Com |
I had been to my OB in the morning for a little trick to get things started: She used her gloved finger to separate the amniotic membrane from the uterine wall near my cervix. For a couple of weeks I had been having scattered contractions, and I was showing signs of early labor- I was already dilated to 3cm. We decided he was ready- so tried this little trick at 8:30 am. It would release a hormone called prostaglandin which might cause labor to start in a few hours.
At 6:30, during dinner at home with my mom, I started to feel painful contractions spaced about 20 min. apart. I hopped in the shower with Valerie, who watched with concern every time I stopped to moan and breathe. (I explained that everything was ok, and that I was going to go with Daddy to have the baby soon!) I finished packing my bag and called Kabir to tell him we'd better head out once he got home. I called my sister Valerie and told her to head straight for the hospital too. My mom would stay at our house with the big-sister-to-be. Valerie was pretty sad that I had to go, until we told her that she would get to come in the morning with her big sister shirt and with the little toys she had picked out for her new brother.
We finally got on the road at 9:30 and arrived at Avista a little before 10pm. I wanted that epidural- and I wanted it fast! It felt like it took forever to get me evaluated, checked in, and prepped. My sister and Kabir tried their best to distract me from the pain with jokes- but geez I was hurting!!!
Then things got a little scary: First, the epidural only numbed half my body! I was in pain. I was also starting to feel very, very sad thinking about Evie. I cried and shivered and shook. I begged the anesthesiologist to PLEASE do it again!! Instead of redoing my epidural, he tilted me to one side and gave me 2 large doses of meds right into my back with a large syringe. . . That was when I started to feel worse than I have ever felt in my life. I stopped being able to hear, and my vision got cloudy. I was ready to vomit but nothing came up. I thought, okay this is it. I am going to die. . . I thought about Valerie June and closed my eyes. Lucky for me, the nurse had been watching very close and immediately saw how my blood pressure was dropping. It got down to 60 over 30!!! She rushed and gave me a dose of ephedrine in my IV. Wow! I felt good again! The pain was gone (my legs were two dead logs) and I felt alert!
At 1:00 am, my doc came in to check my cervix. She stood by the computer looking at all the data. I told her I felt very much like pushing. (How could that be? I was completely numb! But somehow I just felt myself starting to push!) Dr. M checked me and said I was ready. She got her gown on, pulled the bottom off the bed, and told me to push. . . It was like the feeling when you have to vomit and you heave without being able to stop it- I couldn't help but do it. Dr. M tried to help me by counting, but I was doing it my own way on my own time. Heave, heave, heave, there's the head! Heave, he's out!! That's all it took- four pushes! I heard Wally wailing and wailing as they suctioned him. What a loud, healthy little guy!! Soon he was on my chest- quiet and alert. Kabir stroked my hair while I looked at this little rainbow. We were all so happy!
It was about an hour before all the grandparents were allowed to come quietly streaming in. So much love! I held Wally while each grandparent silently approached and looked at his beautiful face and the beautiful scene. There were Chet, Maya, Pearl, my dad, and Netty. They told me about the strange eclipse and about the warm cookies the nurses had baked for them. They gave us their blessings and left us to rest in bliss.
Feelings About Evie
I haven't felt sad about Evie since the labor, even though I think about her almost every day. Of course I am very tired- Wally is a newborn and he does wake throughout the night to eat. But no matter how exhausted, I mostly feel relief and joy. I hold him and kiss him ALL the time. I appreciate so deeply the fact that he is healthy; the fact that I can control his well being by simply feeding him, changing him, rocking him. This may sound pretty dark, but when I see Wally sleeping I sometimes think about Evie's face after she died. She was so peaceful in death and Wally is so peaceful in life. For me it is not a depressing thought, but kindof a yin-and-yang thought: balance I guess? Things are as they should be.
