31 weeks 6 days

Today is the day that our Rainbow turns 31 weeks and 6 days old inside the womb- the exact age Evie was when she was born. (http://www.feetuponground.blogspot.com/2013/04/stars-align.html)  Crazy to think it has not even been a year since that fateful day we met Evie.  Also crazy to think that it has been so long now since she was born and since she died. 

I feel relieved and awed by our Rainbow.  He moves more than Evie ever did.  I think about how tiny Evie was at 3.5 lbs., and how amazing her tiny body was despite being so sick.  Our Rainbow must be about that size now too, and would probably live if he were born today.  If Evie hadn't been so sick, she would have survived being born that early too. Of course, she wouldn't have been thrust into the open world so soon if it weren't for CMV and the urgent need to get her out and try to help her body heal.

A 31 week baby- lots more growing to do! 

Still needs much brain development, lung development, and lots more weight.

I remember those first few days at the hospital while recovering from my C-section.  Strange to think about being happy, even in the face of all that trauma.  I remember Valerie June coming to visit, lying together in my bed, and watching a movie while we snuggled.  I remember really enjoying the food and the attention of all the young nurses who cared for me.  I remember the way my mom and dad took care of me like a little girl again- massaging my feet, brushing my hair, attending to everything I couldn't take care of myself. 

In a weird way, I was happy to see Evie the next morning in the NICU, even if I felt a little detached from her.  It is a wonderful feeling to give birth- no matter the circumstance, I think.  I wonder if I would have still felt some happiness even if Evie had been stillborn.  She was a tiny miracle that grew from my body, perfect in her own way.

I saw this video today, and it made me think about beautiful Evie. It is a photographer who volunteers to do NICU photo shoots.  (Click on the link below the photo to see the little clip.)

http://vimeo.com/58859293#at=0